Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski) profile picture

Todd Maternowski

@ToddMaternowski

Winner of "America's Most Obscure Author", ten years running!

 Dallas, TX
wild-ink.net/
Joined May 2009
  • Tweets5.9K
  • Following92
  • Followers1.8K
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Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)Photo by Todd Maternowski (@ToddMaternowski)
Fifth novel is finally out!!! wild-ink.net/f/update---febr… via @ToddMaternowski
Update - February 27th, 2026

Update - February 27th, 2026

It took three long years, but at long last, BLOODBATH is finally "doneski."

wild-ink.net
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterSep 29
Walking up to the stripper pole and nervously doing the Charleston
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Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) profile picture
Kip Conlon@kipconlonNov 5
First day in the Marines! Hope the drill instructor likes the smirk on my face!
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jizzlane maxxxwell (@dankcharnley) profile picture
jizzlane maxxxwell
@dankcharnleySep 5
damn girl are you a plunger cuz you keep bringin up old shit
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FreaksDon’tCry (@TokyoDilf) profile picture
FreaksDon’tCry@TokyoDilfOct 26
My Halloween costume for the work party is The Pricemaster
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Writing update!! - October 20th, 2026 wild-ink.net/f/update---octo… via @ToddMaternowski
Update - October 20th, 2026

Update - October 20th, 2026

Is there a Greek god of PROCRASTINATION? Because if so, I have recently been A-DESECRATIN' THAT THAR ALTAR!!

wild-ink.net
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Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) profile picture
Jason, ex Inferis@benedictsredOct 9
Once you earn a white boy’s trust you may feed him popcorn shrimp right out of your hand
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterSep 24
Eye of the Tiger plays as I walk into Golden Corral
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beetle moses (@beetlemoses) profile picture
beetle moses@beetlemosesSep 23
Image from beetle moses (@beetlemoses)
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Case (@Cactuscali19912) profile picture
Case@Cactuscali19912Sep 23
You live in Texas? With the chainsaw massacres?
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Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) profile picture
Jason, ex Inferis@benedictsredSep 17
Never out of the question for me to call a girl I’m flirting with “hoss”
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beetle moses (@beetlemoses) profile picture
beetle moses@beetlemosesSep 15
Image from beetle moses (@beetlemoses)
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ᛉ (@soylennial) profile picture
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@soylennialAug 26
RFK explaining to libtards that red 40 makes you gay
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instagram be recommending you follow the nigga you killed in 2014
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Hitting your butler increases his speed by 10%
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Handsome B. Charming (@CTachio83984) profile picture
Handsome B. Charming@CTachio83984Aug 9
the other men in the office don't respect me because i close doors by bumping them with my hips and ass
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beetle moses (@beetlemoses) profile picture
beetle moses@beetlemosesAug 8
The connoisseur
Image from beetle moses (@beetlemoses)
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Damon Hunzeker (@DamonHunzeker) profile picture
Damon Hunzeker
@DamonHunzekerAug 5
Having sex is like riding a bike — sometimes you get your pant leg caught in the chain and crash into Randy’s mailbox.
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Pulp Librarian (@PulpLibrarian) profile picture
Pulp Librarian
@PulpLibrarianAug 4
"Hey! Any of you cats mind a groove?"
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Raven (@The_Regal_Raven) profile picture
Raven@The_Regal_RavenAug 2
Image from Raven (@The_Regal_Raven)
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You can smoke closer to gas pumps than they lead you to believe
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