ever the enigma (@evertheenigma) header
ever the enigma (@evertheenigma) profile picture

ever the enigma

@evertheenigma

I'm less mysterious once I've eaten.

 the Dirty South
Joined July 2025
  • Tweets1.5K
  • Following300
  • Followers561
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Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)Photo by ever the enigma (@evertheenigma)
The waitress at Waffle House called me “baby” and brought me hash browns, so she’s now the primary beneficiary of my estate.
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my cat takes my chair i explain that i’m the boss she closes her eyes #vss365
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We ordered more fries to avoid arguing over the last one. This is how governments handle debt.
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Minnie (@babyblue0924) profile picture
Minnie
@babyblue09249h
I want to yell “get off my lawn,” but to all the young people on Twitter
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Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) profile picture
Kip Conlon@kipconlon7h
We're a jug band, Zeke, not a washboard band. Stop showboating.
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Damon Hunzeker (@DamonHunzeker) profile picture
Damon Hunzeker
@DamonHunzeker6h
If you cannot afford an attorney, a picture of one will be drawn for you. If you can spare as little as five dollars, the courtroom sketch artist will add a ponytail.
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I’ve been working on accepting criticism. So far, I’ve agreed that it exists.
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insomnia— the first bird interrupts my last thought
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the boss tells a joke— we laugh before the punchline rent is due next week #vss365
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David (@DBStoner) profile picture
David@DBStonerOct 20
Trust me guys. I picked the right one.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterNov 8
Why would someone destroy your sweater? Your friends are toxic, Weezer
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cuckold jones (@cuckcat) profile picture
cuckold jones@cuckcatNov 7
the unmedicated in me sees the unmedicated in you
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Gabrielle (@gabbilicious04) profile picture
Gabrielle@gabbilicious04Nov 8
someone’s 7 year old just hit me in the shins with a hockey stick so if you see me on the news later that’s what started it
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Henry 3000 (@Henry_3000) profile picture
Henry 3000
@Henry_3000Nov 7
It's up to the ham radio operators to save us.
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Bob Golen (@BobGolen) profile picture
Bob Golen
@BobGolenNov 8
Mailman left a package on my porch labeled "Do Not Bend." I can't figure out how to pick it up.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterNov 8
Fresca is for closers
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterNov 8
Maybe your baby is crying because he can't handle the beauty that is McRib Season
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Whisper (@Wispynu_) profile picture
Whisper@Wispynu_Nov 7
I cracked a joke with my therapist and she sighed then started writing in her notebook The bich trynna steal my joke
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Mac Dickson (@MacDicksonShow) profile picture
Mac Dickson@MacDicksonShowNov 8
I burned my hand on bacon grease this morning. Why do we always get hurt by the ones we love?
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