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Evil Dad

@evildadatron

Not your daddy https://teapawt.net/t.co/cFtLr8aerA

 The Dadlands 613
open.spotify.com/artist/14G1sLN0Olq0iGv3mmEA2E
Joined January 2014
  • Tweets80.4K
  • Following1.3K
  • Followers5.5K
199Media
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There should be more types of depression by now.
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I call my depression and anxiety levels "cheech & chong" because they are so high.
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If I tell you I’m hungry, it’s already too late
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That’s a pretty hot political take on Facebook there college acquaintance who use to blow random dudes at musical festivals for drugs.
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I adopt cats because I can't have any of my own.
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My hips don’t lie but damn would it kill ‘em to fib a little.
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Evil Dad retweeted
Noodles (@Dawn_M_) profile picture
Noodles@Dawn_M_28 Aug 2017
If you hold a warm baked potato it feels like you're holding someone's hand without having to touch anyone.
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There may be a law against texting and driving but there’s no law that says I can’t take my coat off while I’m driving
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Living for an entire lifetime sounds fucking exhausting
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In parenthood you're either cleaning up shit, losing your shit, or pretending to have your shit together.
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Unless the liquor store is about to close, there is no excuse for speeding.
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Someday I wanna un-die like a celebrity
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I can't wait for the day when we abolish the concept of a president and just have a counsel of Ricks
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ATTENTION BASICS: Romper season is now over. Please proceed w/ pumpkin spice as your go-to handheld item & Ugg boots for fashion staple.
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The Purge, but it's just everyone jerking off wherever they want.
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Evil Dad retweeted
Noodles (@Dawn_M_) profile picture
Noodles@Dawn_M_13 Sep 2017
[plummeting from a huge cliff to my death] I'm hungry
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My favorite saying is "I love you and I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk".
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We're still doing this? Okay, cool.
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Doctor: How many beers do you have in a week? Me: It's not a competition.
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People who say you don't need drugs to have fun have obviously never seen a naked middle aged man fight two cops in an Arby's parking lot.
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