@RickAaron

The heat is comin' down and I'm not laughin'

 In Your Phone
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Joined April 2009
  • Tweets154K
  • Following11.5K
  • Followers15.2K
1KMedia
Rick Aaron retweeted
Kristen@Kica333Oct 25
Doctor: How often do you exercise? Me: 3 times. Doctor: A week or a month? Me: I have given my answer.
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[First day as doctor] Me: Gross.
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My grandma would tell us that we鈥檇 go blind if we sat too close to the TV while she drank her gin in a cloud of unfiltered cigarette smoke in her home that was made solely out of asbestos.
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Which wine pairs best with a plague?
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Rick Aaron retweeted
Matt Fuller
@MEPFullerSep 29
The Atlanta Hawks have an opportunity to do the funniest thing imaginable.
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Rick Aaron retweeted
Burgess Everett
@burgessevSep 29
No one wants to be accused of going to an Atlanta Hawks game
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Rick Aaron retweeted
CarterNixon@CarterNixonSep 17
It鈥檚 funny how a blue check mark used to be how you knew it was the real person and now it鈥檚 more to signify that you鈥檙e reading tweets by the dumbest mother fuckers on the planet
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Rick Aaron retweeted
hawkize
@stillnothawkizeSep 18
have the diesel trucks considered not buying Starbucks
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Replying to @RickAaron
NARRATOR: Coming this Christmas, Vin has a problem. A BIG problem. (Shot of Vin holding a diesel fuel pump hose. A single, tentative drop slowly exits the nozzle. CUT TO A single tear slowly flowing from Vin鈥檚 eye. CUT TO Vin: (raising his hands to the heavens) NOOOOOOO!!!
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You know what this needs? An 80s rock ballad. --- Me, to everything
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Did the ancestry thing and, well, they鈥檙e all dead
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馃毃 Utah Football ticket giveaway! In partnership with Salt City Sports, we are giving away 2 tickets to the home opener vs Idaho! Salt City Sports covers Salt Lake area teams: the Utah Utes, Utah Mammoth, and Utah Jazz. On Beehive, you can sell/buy Utah Football tickets with no sellers fees and a flat 10% buyer fee! To enter: 1. Follow @saltcitysportut 2. Follow @beehivetickets 3. Repost this post Winner will be selected on Monday Aug. 31 at 12:00 PM
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Rick Aaron retweeted
Doge Van
@ballsdeepindogeAug 22
Your dog probably thinks you finally got fired every Saturday morning.
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Rick Aaron retweeted
Kip Conlon@kipconlonAug 12
Let鈥檚 try this again. If you like pi帽a coladas, getting caught in the rain, and are not presently married to me, please respond.
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Rick Aaron retweeted
NurseBrianRN@rn_murseJul 22
you odyssey deez nutz
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Rick Aaron retweeted
Bob Golen
@BobGolenJul 21
Carried home a heavy crate of the neighbor's old magazines. Now I have back issues.
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Rick Aaron retweeted
skanks@skanks17Jul 20
I can鈥檛 wait to have a pumpkin beer on a breezy fall afternoon watching the 1pm games on a patio then drink 13 miller lites at home and scream at the tv until my wife tells me it鈥檚 time to go back to counseling then argue with a radio dj for 20 minutes about Eli Manning鈥檚 legacy
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Oysters aren't really an aphrodisiac. They just show your date that you are willing to put anything in your mouth.
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Lifeguard: Stop peeing in the pool! Me: Why? Everyone pees in the pool. Lifeguard: Not from the high dive!
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