@RunwayDan

Behold my many, many rules for interacting with me.

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Joined November 2013
  • Tweets61.5K
  • Following4.9K
  • Followers5.8K
287Media
And then the little dog would say "yo quiero Taco Bell" and we would all laugh and laugh. It was a simpler time.
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RunwayDan retweeted
ScottW@jswtreeman25 Oct 2022
A food pyramid but it’s just me stacking Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups™️ in the shape of a triangle.
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RunwayDan
@RunwayDan16 Feb 2025
My dreams of being a rodeo clown were dashed when I discovered I was allergic to getting kicked in the head by a bull.
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Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
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RunwayDan retweeted
Joe Pontillo@JoePontillo13h
Millennial mid-life crisis ideas: - Buy anything. - Personally put a chain restaurant out of business. - Perform a coup on the local yoga class. - Open an obnoxious coffee shop. - Have a kid but don't tell a single person (impossible)
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Yes, believe it or not, realizing that millions of people would do TikTok dances if I was murdered for not voting the way they wanted me to or having different beliefs is quite radicalizing. Crazy, I know.
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If you ever get attacked by a badger, throw some piranhas at it if you have some piranhas.
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RunwayDan retweeted
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 24
I love when my smartest followers like my dumbest jokes
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Happy 98th Birthday to MARION ROSS
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You have this moment of realization that you have zero survival skills. If you're like me, you do nothing with this information.
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I have deleted Facebook, which means I will no longer know who died fatter than I am, or later than I'd hoped.
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Silent no more. It's time we call perfume in purple bottles what it is: hussy water.
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Cats would never snitch on you. They will absolutely steal from you though.
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RunwayDan retweeted
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
If you’re going to patronize me, at least slowly explain what that means.
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Mom told me I didn’t get anything for Christmas because I’m adopted and “Santa only goes down biological chimneys”
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I've got 99 Luftballoons and I don't speak German. What the hell is a Luftballoon?
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RunwayDan retweeted
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
Since getting into miniature golf I've become one of those guys who never shuts up about windmills.
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RunwayDan retweeted
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 24
Recreating the Marilyn Monroe skirt-blowing scene but it's me trying to keep the powdered sugar from blowing offa my Berliner doughnut
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I want to get that neuralink so I can get constant WNBA updates piped straight into my brain
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RunwayDan retweeted
Bo Sanders
@BoCreatesOct 23
Just hold on a couple more days, people. – at Cottleville, MO
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