@RunwayDan

Behold my many, many rules for interacting with me.

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Joined November 2013
  • Tweets61.5K
  • Following4.9K
  • Followers5.8K
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RunwayDan retweeted
ES
@ESXIII15h
I like the not very subtle threat being used to try to scare people into voting. “Who you vote for is secret. Whether you vote isn't. Your neighbors can look it up.” To which I reply “if you brushed your teeth this morning you can kiss my ass.”
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RunwayDan retweeted
ScottW@jswtreeman25 Oct 2022
A food pyramid but it’s just me stacking Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups™️ in the shape of a triangle.
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RunwayDan retweeted
RunwayDan
@RunwayDan16 Feb 2025
My dreams of being a rodeo clown were dashed when I discovered I was allergic to getting kicked in the head by a bull.
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Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
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RunwayDan retweeted
Joe Pontillo@JoePontillo16h
Millennial mid-life crisis ideas: - Buy anything. - Personally put a chain restaurant out of business. - Perform a coup on the local yoga class. - Open an obnoxious coffee shop. - Have a kid but don't tell a single person (impossible)
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RunwayDan retweeted
Bridget Phetasy
@BridgetPhetasyOct 25
Yes, believe it or not, realizing that millions of people would do TikTok dances if I was murdered for not voting the way they wanted me to or having different beliefs is quite radicalizing. Crazy, I know.
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If you ever get attacked by a badger, throw some piranhas at it if you have some piranhas.
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RunwayDan retweeted
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 24
I love when my smartest followers like my dumbest jokes
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Happy 98th Birthday to MARION ROSS
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You have this moment of realization that you have zero survival skills. If you're like me, you do nothing with this information.
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I have deleted Facebook, which means I will no longer know who died fatter than I am, or later than I'd hoped.
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Silent no more. It's time we call perfume in purple bottles what it is: hussy water.
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Cats would never snitch on you. They will absolutely steal from you though.
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RunwayDan retweeted
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
If you’re going to patronize me, at least slowly explain what that means.
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Mom told me I didn’t get anything for Christmas because I’m adopted and “Santa only goes down biological chimneys”
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RunwayDan retweeted
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
Since getting into miniature golf I've become one of those guys who never shuts up about windmills.
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RunwayDan retweeted
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 24
Recreating the Marilyn Monroe skirt-blowing scene but it's me trying to keep the powdered sugar from blowing offa my Berliner doughnut
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I want to get that neuralink so I can get constant WNBA updates piped straight into my brain
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RunwayDan retweeted
Bo Sanders
@BoCreatesOct 23
Just hold on a couple more days, people. – at Cottleville, MO
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