Wine consuming, provider of mediocre content. May be a robot. You don’t know
Joined March 2022
- Tweets24.4K
- Following1.5K
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Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
“Ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?” Fuck no, I was home in bed like an angel. Don’t call this number again.
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
If you carry a clipboard, put a pen behind your ear, wear a stopwatch around your neck, and, depending on where you are, wear either a lab coat or a reflective safety vest you can pretty much walk right in anywhere you like.
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
Elephant in the room : ADDRESSED
Ducks : In a fucking row
Horses : HELD
Eggs: In so many baskets
Bigger Fish : Fried
Ace : Up my sleeve
2 Birds : Stoned
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all 5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist.
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
YOU'RE BORN. YOU SEE PANTS STYLES GO FROM BAGGY TO SKINNY BACK TO BAGGY EVERY 10 YEARS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. YOU DIE. THE END
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
From now on, my life will be divided in terms of before and after I had my first Chick-fil-A Chicken & Waffles Breakfast Sandwich.
*on knees, hands folded*
Sweet Jesus, I don’t ask for much and I vow to live the rest of my days exalting Your name. Amen
Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸 retweeted
This Mexican restaurant just played Chuck Mangione’s ‘Feels So Good’ and the margaritas are $3 until 4pm. I wonder if I died in a car wreck on the way over here..
