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Thomas

@TheeDankEngine

Stand-Up Comedic Connoisseur. Husband. Father. Child at Heart. Aspiring Ghost Writer. Dead Inside. Most of my tweets are written on the toilet.

Joined September 2020
  • Tweets2.4K
  • Following1.7K
  • Followers667
87Media
Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)Photo by Thomas (@TheeDankEngine)
Matchbox Twenty + Twenty One Pilots = Sum 41
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Every rich person has a tiny dog that looks exactly like a monopoly player piece
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You mean to tell me someone Ironed a Maiden?
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7/8ths of the time i believe in god But sometimes I'm an eighth-eist
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My idea of being able to afford a home renovation is playing The Sims.
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Do people not realize when they complain about having to pay to see a comedy show it’s kind of insulting to the comics? These jokes aren’t free bitch
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It’s so easy to order $50 worth of Taco Bell when you’re also buying weed.
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Fast and the Furious needs to go back to it's routes
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Wonder If I can use the carpool lane if I have my sex robot with me
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Steve Austin Creamery 🤝 Stone Cold
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Gonna make my account private. Been getting way too many retweets. Annoying 🙄🙄
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Thomas retweeted
hdrk (@thehdrk) profile picture
hdrk@thehdrk22 Jun 2021
for zero dollars I'll weird you out
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It’s been a long journey but I’ve finally transitioned from has potential to had potential
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Honey, I sucked my dick
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Don't know much about cow tipping but I'd assume you leave 20%
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Puff, Puff, Pastry
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Do pedophiles slip and slide into DMs?
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Thomas retweeted
Sam (@mastrap84) profile picture
Sam@mastrap8417 Jun 2021
Survived another day. FML
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Herb is short for Herbalicious Definition Make Them Boys Go Loco
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I love it when the TL lines up.
Image from SIC SEMPER MARK ASS BUSTERS (@TheGhostOfJohnM)
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